Relationships - The illusion

A few experiences in the recent past have opened my eyes to see what relationships truely are. And I see them to be mere illusions. They simply are not real. Hence they deserve no special attention. This particular view is quite opposite to what most people probably may hold. However, this is what I see it to be.

To understand relationships, on which we spend so much time and energy, I have classified them into three different types.

1. Non-exclusive or All-inclusive relationships: This is the kind of relationship that each entity has with every other entity in the universe. It is based on the premise that everything in the universe is inter-related, and hence there is a relationship between any two entities in the universe. Now, this is a kind of relationship which is of no concern to anyone, because by the "all=none" principle, there is nothing special about any particular relationship. Therefore, it is unimportant for any entity to think of its relationship with any other entity. These relationships will always exist, no matter what happens. In any case, in normal daily language, we do not associate such a meaning to the word 'relationship'. Therefore, though this kind of relationship is real, it is not necessary for me to discuss this further.

2. Exclusive relationships: As the name itself suggests, these relationships are possible with only some entities in the rest of the universe, and the other entities are excluded. It is this type of relationship that is of concern to us, because, by the word 'relationship' we invariably mean this. We are concerned only with this kind of relationships. Under this, there are two types:

• Exclusive-natural: These are those relationships we have, that have its origin in our birth. The fact that we are born as humans implies there is a father, and a mother. We may have a brother or a sister, who shares one/both of our parents. All the siblings of our parents are our relatives, and we have some kind of a relationship with them.
• Exclusive-unnatural: Under this category comes friendships, love, and all our social contacts.

It is obvious to everyone that all these relationships would cease to exist the moment one of the persons dies. That itself renders all these relationships as illusionary. But unfortunately, when any kind of intimacy develops in any of these relationships, it begins to appear real. When we get emotionally involved, there seems to be a strong force which makes us believe that we have some kind of feelings for that person, and that the feeling is going to be lasting. Under that state of mind, we often tell ourselves, and the other person how important he or she is to us, and how much we love them, so on and so forth. But we fail to realise then that we are simply lying to ourself. We fail to realise that these relationships are simple creations of our mind, and that they therefore do not exist anywhere other than in our minds. A few simple observations would make us realise why it is so.

Firstly, was it not possible for us to live without them before they came into our lives? Will it not be possible for us to get on with our lives without them? Further, if at all something terribly goes wrong in the relationship, due to which we break-up, what happened to all those feelings? Does it not mean that every nice sweet word that was uttered when everything was alright is a plain lie? Most importantly, every relationship of this kind has its own limitations, due to which there is always a point where it can break, and it will break.

All this has led me to conclude this about relationships: Relationships are like the sand castles we build on the beach. They amuse us when we build them. But it takes only one large wave for it to be destroyed, leaving only the ruins, while we stand and watch in despair.

I will end by quoting a verse from the Bhajagovindam:

का ते कान्ता कस्ते पुत्रः
सम्सारः अयमतीव िविचत्रः |
कस्य त्वम् कः कुत आयातः
तत्त्वम् िचन्तय तिदह भ्रातः ||

Meaning: Who indeed is your beloved and who indeed is your son? Strange indeed are these family bonds; who belongs to you and to whom you belong? whence did you come, Oh brother! Reflect on the truth of it all.