Parenting...
In India, where the entire worth of a student is judged by two silly board exams, students are put to a great deal of trouble. The schools are relentless and compassionless in overburdening the students. The competition is cut throat, so much that at times, I imagine, a real cut from a blade would be far less painful. Friends are few. Every fool (relatives, friends of parents, neighbours) who meets a student in tenth or twelfth class makes it a point to first talk only about the studies. Poor fellow, the only place where he can hope to find some relief is home. Every student in those trying years would hope to get back to a home that does not remind him of all these troubles. They would not like their parents to add to their woes by making them feel the pressure even when they are at home. In short, they would like the home to be a home.
Sadly, as in the case of my cousin, many - or perhaps I would not be wrong in saying most - students do not have that luxury of having understanding parents. A certain boy in my brother's class had to suffer from burns caused by an iron rod because he stood eigth in his coaching class, in a class of 100 students. Another boy suffered terrible mental depression because he was constantly being compared to his more brilliant elder brother. Coming to my cousin's case, I am told that he is often scolded at home for his so-called underperformance, and that his parents tell him that he is 'good for nothing'.
These are just examples of the suffering children face at home. I suppose that it is a widespread phenomenon. There are homes where the father comes home drunk to beat the mother and the children. The examples I gave are not that bad. Nevertheless the suffering is by no means lesser. In some cases, the kids prefer to take the extreme step. A few days back, I read in a newspaper that the number of suicides by students was on the rise over the last few years, and that the number of deaths peaked during the exam season.
All these take me back to those days when I was a student in those classes. I too went through the tenth and twelfth classes. I wrote the JEE. My younger brother too went through all that. My parents, however have never troubled us. Not once have they scolded us. Not once have they underestimated us. Never did they discourage us. In fact, they hardly used to worry about our studies. Of course, they always kept a watchful eye on our activities, and would often insist that we spent lesser hours watching T.V, or playing. But such advices were short. My mother, being a working woman, often felt sad that she couldn't help us more. But I would say that she not saying anything negative to discourage us was in itself a great help. She in fact, only talked in positive terms to us.
When I look back at my entire life now, I can only feel gratitude to God for having given me a set of parents who knew how to raise their children. I also learn a great lesson from both my parents and those parents who are more like devils to their children, that the only way you can be great parents is by unconditionally loving your children. I only wish that all parents knew this.
11 Comments:
I agree with u..since I have been down the same road. Thankfully my dad would always ask me to'come straight home, regardless of what the results are' each time I had my results. I guess thats why im alive and kicking today..
the past week there have been instances of kids breaking under exam pressure in Mumbai..one of them killed himself..and the other..had an heart attack..sad..but true
how true...
one is reminded of one's own blog entry on something to do with kids not realising things, well this is completely countering that, is it???
http://askforanything.blogspot.com/2005/01/all-for-soap.html
well that was a reflex action, on further thinking one does have to accept that be it kids or parents of today, there is a lot of problems in understanding each other and the "Generation Gap" is definetely...
i am thinking a loud, is this an inspiration from the panel discussion???
@bharat
this is not to counter it, but it seems it does counter it in the sense that it puts the responsibility on the parents. To an extent, kids, I think are really not mature enough not to understand everything, although the kids themselves think otherwise. Therefore, it is the duty of the elders to guide them.
This is not insired from the panel discussion. In fact, this was inspired from what truly happened to my cousin. However, I am actually surprised that no one raised this point in the discussion.
the anonymous guy above me is me
i meant countering in the sense explained by you and not in any other sense da.
Hmm... it is exactly for this reason that I have decided that my daughters (when they are born) will never have a conventional education...
@agnibarathi, could not resist asking this...
y is it only for u daughters? y not for ur sons? would you not have sons?
that is because he doesn't believe in probability.
according to ayurveda, the probability of the offspring being of either gender is not half. i don't know the details, but i believe that is says it is possible to get a child of the desired sex.
may be we shoule know the details of this.
Hmm... I don't know about probability or Ayurveda, but I know that if you believe in something strong enough, it becomes true!!! And hey new post up, check it out Ram. Bharath, invite you to my BLOG
Very true what u've said up there. Indeed most parents don't realise that conventional education is merely for namesake and maybe to get a good start. As Daniel Goleman puts it "How well a child is taught to handle his emotions determines how successful he is in his personal and professional life". Indeed parents who take time and care to build the selfesteem of their children are giving them the most important gift to thrive.
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